Saturday, September 6, 2008

Gag Me With a Spoon

Who knew everyone in this town was going to be in the Wal-Marts today? Certainly not I. Had I known every redneck, screaming baby, and mullet-sporting loser was going shopping today, I would have stayed home. But now that I have a new car...oops, did I forget to tell you that?! Yes, I have a new car. It's my for real first new car. Like it's new. And it smells new. And I have never had a new car before. Can you tell I'm excited?! This is where I should show you a picture. And I would. Except my camera isn't working. Hmpf. If you run into a camera giveaway, let me know. I need a camera. And I need someone to give it away. To me.

Anyway.

We parked far, far away from the other vehicles at the Wal-Mart so I didn't realize just how busy it was going to be. I gave each kid a piece of gum upon arriving as to reduce the amount of noise they would make. It worked pretty well. For awhile.

Then of course we walk by the restooms and they both HAVE to go. Typical. I park the full cart and head into the restroom. We walk to the large stall, Cole in front, then me, then Little Miss...complete with a very extravagant purple Easter dress on. She's a princess, remember? Just as I turn around to close the door behind us, I catch Little Miss picking her gum up OFF THE FLOOR AND PUTTING IT BACK IN HER MOUTH! Oh my lord. It happened so fast the only thing I got out was, "Ack, don't p..." And then it was in and she resumed chewing. Dis.gus.ting.

Cut to about 10 minutes later. We are schlepping through the place, desperate to get through the crowd, trying to find an open cash register. Little Miss decides she is tired of her gum and hands it to me. I have no wipes, no tissues, so I pop it in my mouth. As soon as I start chewing, I remember. The gum was on the floor. In the bathroom. At Wal-Mart.

Excuse me while I go gargle bleach.

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31 comments:

L said...

That has to be the grossest thing I have ever heard. If only there was a camera giveaway for the grossest story involving gum..you would surely win

Finding Normal said...

I'm with the first commenter, that has to be the grossest thing ever. I literally put my hand to my mouth while I shivered and gagged. Then I read the part about you taking her gum. And I'm seriously freaking out on your behalf. GAG.

Mrs Parks said...

What kind of gum was it?
Just kidding.
No I'm not.
Because what I'm picturing is an Orbitz comercial... Dirty mouth? Clean it up!

Eeeewww...

amelia bedelia said...

Just how long was it on the floor? the 5 second rule applies to gum, too ya know!

scargosun said...

I almost fell out of my chair. So funny and so gross!

Delberta said...

Just building up your resistance to germs. LOL The only thing that could make it worse was if the gum was past the expiration date too ! Tell Farm Guy that story AFTER you kiss him.

The Mom said...

NASTY! LOL.

I don't eat/drink/chew anything that has been in my kids mouths already...especially public restroom droppings, LOL...peroxide!

AFRo said...

No ma'am. ICK!!! I thought the EXACT same thing as Mrs. Parks... Dirty mouth? ICK!!! I'm not so sure that 5 second rule does apply to gum with the sticky factor and all...

Becky said...

oh.my.gosh. you poor, poor woman.

Lisa said...

UGH. I pop my kids used chewing gum in my mouth. I hope it has never been anywhere but their mouth. So sorry you had Wal-Mart bathroom gunk mixed in with used chewing gum in your mouth today.

Finding Normal said...

I'm thinking an great deal of alcohol would kill all of those germs. Just a thought!

Kat said...

I am truly laughing out loud. You know, because it was you and not me. Have some wine. That is bound to fix everything. Specifically your memory that this event ever occured.

Rhea said...

Oh, puke. You must have been seriously sidetracked to forget where that gum had been. ewwww!!

Now you're going to get Walmartpukington's Disease. I'm so sorry.

Karen said...

Oh that is sooooo gross. It's that gross that I just almost snorted my ice tea, because started laughing so hard.

Definitly have a glass of wine. In fact drink the whole bottle. The alcohol and other good stuff that wine has, should kill any lingering nasties. Perhaps make it two bottles ?

Tinabean said...

Ok that is so FUNNY, so GROSS & so something ony us MOMs would do!

You may be excused to go gargle.

By the way can't wait to see & hear more about the new car! Fun Fun!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

Ewwwwwwww! Gross on so many levels. lol

sassy stephanie said...

O.M.gosh. That is sick. I can't even put the chewed gum in my mouth, not to mention the "clean" gum.

Jonny's Mommy said...

Oh. Oh. Oh. Eew. That's all I can say.

And I can't top it, but yesterday the child was in the back seat eating apple slices when the dog reached back and licked the apple slice. The toddler then ate it...aaate it.

But I didn't. So see... I can't top that.

Jonny's Mommy said...

Did I mention the dog cleans his butt. A lot?

Brandy said...

Ohhhhhhhhh that is too gross! I think you should follow the bleach with a little squirt of lysol or something.

Nasty.

Z's Mom said...

OMG.....I read this yesterday....was going to comment.....found Z in a pool of Downy on my kitchen floor.....so...I'm finally back today to say.....EWWW!

Lil Miss better stop doing that if she's gonna date my Z! ;) Although, he probably wouldn't care.....

Blarney said...

Wine ... lots of wine! Chase it with some brandy then mouthwash. That is sooo gross (voice of my daughter)!
I am going to hurl.

"The Queen in Residence" said...

I am gagging as I type this. Guck!!!
I think that you and the kids will have the toughest stomachs after this bacteria infestation runs its course.

LINDA said...

OMG!!! Just like one of those Orbitz commercials! Kids can be so gross. My Sara would pick up others gum off the ground when she was little. I know she would hate me mentioning it now, since she is 31 but it's true. I was amazedshe survived childhood.
mulette-sporting rednecks--sounds like oskaloosa or mt. pleasant! I really laughed when I read that!

Heather said...

...and you haven't posted since Saturday because you are in the hospital with the plague.

Lindsay said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. The imagery of what that floor probably looked like is really getting to me.

I'd have to do a swift stick-the-gum-under-the-table move, because that's just nasty.

Kayla said...

Yuck!!!
I would have just died....hope you are doing o.k.!

Pennies In My Pocket said...

I've never read something so freaking hilarious and amazingly gross at the same time. I just ugly snort laughed and now my hubby thinks I've lost my marbles because I am laughing like a crazed clown at my laptop.

Found ya on SITS and so glad I did! Love this blog!

~melody~

Sheri said...

That is HYSTERICAL! And disgusting. And Gross. And, thanks for sharing!!! Funny.

Lula! said...

Are you alive? Or did that disease-ridden Walmart gum send you through the Pearly Gates.

I'm a bit worried about you...are your tetnus shots up to date?

Deanna said...

I'm so far behind on my blogging that I feel like I'm starting over. I just caught up with you and am making the "ewwww" face for you and the gum incident! And I loved your description of all the Wal-Mart patrons...those are some of my choice words when I visit there too.