Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How to annoy John Deere Mom in a few easy steps

If you are looking to annoy me, try one of the following activities. It's guaranteed to work.

1. Walk all hunched over with your shopping cart, pushing it with your arms with your big ol' butt sticking out. Do you not have the energy to walk upright through the store?

2. Pull out in front of me only to immediately slow down to turn. Could you not just wait until I was past you?

3. Forget to give me napkins and/or straws in the drive-thru. There are certain guarantees in life. Getting napkins with your food should be one of them.

4. Give me a dirty look when my kids are b-e-g-g-i-n-g in their most annoying voices in the seasonal aisle at Wal-Mart. I am sure your kids never acted in such a way. Think you could do better? Try. I would be more than happy to let you shop with them for an hour.

5. Bag my groceries with no rhyme or reason. My greeting card with my frozen pizza and frozen broccoli? Um, no. It was wet when we got home, thankyouverymuch. 16 canned goods with 3 glass jars of jelly in one plastic bag? Hello?! Chasing cans of soup through the parking lot when the bag bust is not exactly what I had planned for the day.

6. Calling my cell phone by mistake and getting all pissy with me as if it is my fault. Seriously. You called me.

And now for a funny. When I was at my sister's house this weekend, I may have had an entire bottle of Oliver Soft Red wine all by myself in a short amount of time. And I may have started a post entitled,
Spring Break Tipsy
of which I have no recollection. I apparently passed out before I could really get much typed but I kind of wish I had typed more. That would have made for a very funny read. We'll have to settle for the title which is cracking me up.

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32 comments:

*Noelle* said...

LMAO! Oh I hate so many of those things too:) The big butt leaning over the cart is frickin hilarious; I probably have done that a time or two!! Try to lay off the whole bottle of wine!! lol

Have a good night!

Noelle

Becky said...

Those are good to know! I think we could be friends!! YAY! I don't do any of those things LOL!

KatieSaysSo said...

I HATE when the people at the drive thru forget to give you something. Esp when I ask for like ketchup or something and they forget. Soooo annoying!!!!! Like I wanna eat fries without ketchup!!! Grr...

Smoochiefrog said...

Bad day? Hope it gets better.

P.S. Don't be following me around the grocers if you don't wanna see my butt hanging out. :)

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Even worse...when they expect you to bag your own groceries and load your own cart at the store...I'm not the one who chose to work at Wal-Mart for a living, and I have to put the crap away when I get home! UGH! Drives me crazy! lol

Lida said...

LOL! This is a really fun and true post, someo of those things truly annoy me too, Spring Break Tipsy sound like a great post too!

Columbia Lily said...

what's even worse than the cell phone whiners is when you get a new phone number that used to belong to someone who was dodging creditors....and they don't stop calling and don't believe you when you say you don't know who they are talking about.

C and C Mommy said...

OMG....you are cracking me up!! I was laughing so hard that I snorted!!

Wrider II said...

The cell phone has happened to me and I swear I hang up and just look at the phone like "WTF?" LOL Great blog!

Missy's Blog said...

I am *so* totally with you on these ... especially 3 & 5!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Love the list! Wish you posted your Spring Break Tipsy blog.

Delberta said...

LOL I am right with you on the "slouchers" I just want to give them a swift kick in the rear! I tell the cashier that I can't carry heavy bags so not to put too much in them, always keep the card and after they scan it put it in your purse if possible. There. LOL

Sarah said...

I needed this laugh this morning!
And I love the new look! It;s very Spring-y!

♥ bfs~"Mimi" ♥ said...

So So So So So with ya!!!! Amen!!!

Finding Normal said...

Spring Break Tipsy. HA!
My favorite is people in the grocery,chatting away on the bluetooth, or whatever that thingie in the ear is, and they give me a shitty look when I look at them like they're talking to me. Get.off.the.phone. Your life is not that important.

Bren said...

I am so with you on the list - especially the pulling in front of you, only to then turn. There are some horrible drivers in my town and this happens AT LEAST once a week!

Hope you enjoyed your spring break tipsy!

koopermom said...

How about when the said slouched grocery shopper with the big butt stops in the middle of the aisle, half sideways making it impossible to get around her cart AND her big butt, and when you politely ask her to MOVE her big butt, she gives you the look of DEATH. That's a surefire way to annoy the hell out of me!

Martha said...

I think we live parallel lives! Great list, especially the mean parenting looks.

Betty said...

Nr. 2 & 5 really get me upset too!
Good list!

Emily said...

LAMO! Too funny. Oh, and all those things annoy me too! I wish I could have seen you running around picking up canned goods in the parking lot. I would have laughed...but then I would have helped you! =P

carrielt said...

It angers me to no end when I'm in a hurry to get to work and the vehicle infront of me is going 30 in a 55 zone with no passing. Just because he's not in a hurry doesn't mean I'm not in a hurry.

I feel your pain on almost all but the kid one!

Merrie said...

Oh geez, the whole bottle of wine to yourself. Aren't you ALWAYS sorry the next day? I MIGHT have done that on Sunday night after eating an extra large pizza with my kids for dinner. Monday...was not. good.

Rebecca said...

**GASP** I did #2 to someone the other day! I actually felt bad though. Does that count?

DysFUNctional Mom said...

LOL! I just posted a Pet Peeves post. All of these things drive me crazy too!

Blarney said...

Can I add>
7. Requesting me to make a Leprechaun Trap right after requesting a diorama?

(((HUGS)))

Z's Mom said...

HAHAHAHA...you crack me up! I won't even go there right now as to what annoys me.....I think pretty much everything annoys me right now. :) But other than that I'm handling life pretty well. I think I need a bottle of something....

Brittney Kaye said...

I'll add to your list...I hate drive throughs period. I always ORDER everything plain...but never GET it plain. Dang fast food workers!

Tiffany said...

LOL some of those things annoy me too! I got people who call my house asking for someone (they don't even pronounce the name correctly) and when I *politely* tell them that the person doesn't live here THEY HANG UP - this happens every.single.freaking.day!!!! I've started yelling at them now! I've had a bagger put my hamburger meat in my reusable canvas bag before - with no plastic wrap/bag - um hello thats nasty like I'm gonna put fruit in there again after meat. Yuck.

LOL about your drunk almost post!

Coffee with Cathy said...

I am so with you on the grocery cart thing. I can hear my grandmother's voice in my head, "Stand up straight!" Geez. Don't people have any self-respect anymore???

michelle said...

number 2. Nuff said.

Mrs4444 said...

That title does have a lot of promise! Way too funny :)

confessionsofacountrygirl said...

Those things upset me too! I've added you to my blog list so that I can come back and visit you...Love your blog!